Tell me about the bum

This is a blog that’s supposed to be about humour. However I do not know how to broach this topic without spoiling your expectations and quite frankly, I don’t care.

In 2018, DO NOT go around telling people what you think can be improved with their bodies. I’m talking about your having a non-flattering opinion about someone’s body, walking up to them and telling them so as you advise them how to make it better.

Do you think I don’t know I need a push up bra because the boobie hormones came to a halt when I was eight? Do you assume that I do not bathe every day and therefore evaluate my naked body to see if it is presentable before I put on clothes to cover up what isn’t? You think hipless girls don’t know they’re hipless and fat girls don’t know they’re fat before you drown them in the visible facts? Do ya? Huh? DO YAH?

Let me tell you a surprise: you who critiques, your body is unacceptable in another country and another culture. I want you, healthy Muhima, to travel to Paris and see what you put us sticks here through. I want you, fine-ass slaying model, to go to a place where you are considered starved and see what anther’s shoes feels like. If you think about that real hard and your outlook doesn’t falter, my hat goes off to you. But now to be serious: to those who face daily lectures and kind offers of suggestions to ‘improve’ their looks, I ask you to practice this art, hard as it may be: don’t let people project their expectations onto you.

Your body is the only home you have. The only damn one, and it should be enjoyed by you, or improved by you or accepted by you. No one else should tell you a THING unless you’re anorexic, but I don’t know if we have that in Uganda yet. Spend your youth enjoying your body before you reach that age where no one cares anymore and leaves you alone because you’re so old it don’t matter no more. Make it not matter no more NOW.

I’m not talking out of my ass here. I have spent years being told to gain weight, to drink milk, and to try to look good so that some man with a big stomach who wants a woman with a big body can call me marriage material. And I have spent those years telling my advice givers; “No. Don’t appreciate your candor, don’t need it. You have my blessing to love your body without giving me self-esteem issues about mine”.

My dear body experts. Don’t let people live like that. Do not criticize a bodily essence even in the name of kindness. Do not be the cause of someone’s low self-esteem, depression, fake hair, and flaw coverings because of your thoughtless projections.

Everyone on this planet only gets one vessel for their soul. Say something nice about it. I may be skinny but if you look hard, there is a bit of a bum thereabout.


Look for the damn bum and tell me I have it!






2 thoughts on “Tell me about the bum”

  1. Good Post, I’m on a diet from bad thoughts, destructive people, and things that are not good for me. If you let others project their fears, insecurities, and prejudices on you, you’ll begin to doubt your abilities and then you will experience guilt and rejection. These are feelings that lead nowhere and make you just feel bad.


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