Published in The Daily Monitor: monitor.co.ug
Never has a sentence directed to a girl’s back ever had such a quick and positive impact as the one a man directed to me on Valentine’s day.
No shade, please. I didn’t pay him to do it.
Sometimes, moving around this city of ours as a lady can be a real pain. I don’t know if women subconsciously carry a basket of oestrogenic perfume that yells to the corresponding testosterone in the male gender but suffice to say that on occasion, one can scarcely leave one’s house and return unmolested.
So I have learned to cross roads to avoid hissers, and Jackie Chan has taught me to duck and dodge the rest who want to graduate from hissing to touching and grabbing. It’s a jungle I tell you. But not always. Sometimes you bump into a person who for a brief moment allows the jungle to resemble a garden.
I came across such a gardener when I was walking towards the entrance of Acacia mall and I felt a presence approaching me from the back (I don’t know how but I felt it I swear). Before I begun to walk faster to avoid any hissing or touching a male voice distinctly and very politely said to my back, “May I please beg the pleasure of saying hello to you?”
Well now. Who talks like this in real life? If that ain’t the way to get a girl’s attention I don’t know what is. Just look at how the words in that sentence elevate a guy from creepy attention seeker to downright gentlemanly.
This implied that if I responded with a curt ‘No’ he would not be offended and shout at my back that I have the figure of a grasshopper for rejecting him.
Now when was the last time someone troublesome ever said ‘please’ first? This one was surely a decent fellow.
Just in case I was not persuaded by the first two words, he tossed this one in to assure me he was as harmless as he indeed turned out to be.
My man. Keep talking, keep talking. Let me even turn around as you continue so I can see for myself if you’re for real.
What we talked about I shall not disclose. But he kept his right hand politely over the vicinity of his heart the whole time and when we parted ways, he gave me a deep bow.
A round of applause for whoever raised you, Sir!