Lying in the name of the Lord

Published in the Daily Monitor:

I was in a taxi one day, doodling away on my smart phone like a typical addict when a fellow outside put his hand through the window and attempted to pull it from my hand. I’m an expert in these matters (having fought off such fiends twice already) so he walked away disappointed.

“You’re so lucky!”, the girl next to me said. “That’s how thieves messed me up on Thursday”.

I love a good tale of misfortune when it’s not mine so I asked her what had happened.

“They stole my bag with everything I owned!”

“Ng’olabye”, I sighed.

“Do you want to know it happened?”

If you insist.

“I was walking there near the taxi park when a man and woman approached me and said they wanted to pray for me”.


“They told me that God had spoken to them, because they were born agains”.


“So me I said ‘Okay. Since you’re born agains, you can pray for me’. But they said I had to go inside some corridor so the public wouldn’t interrupt”.

Banange this girl was serious.

“I was going inside the corridor when the woman said they could not pray for me with my worldly goods. I had to leave the bag with her outside and only the man goes in to pray for me. What could I do? They said they were born agains”

This chick was officially a grade A moron.

“So I entered the corridor and bambi the man prayed very well. Then he told me to close my eyes and listen for the holy spirit. After some time I got tired and I asked him when I should stop listening. He didn’t answer”.

Oh, you dumb daft wonderful ignoramus.

“I opened my eyes and I was alone! Can you believe it? They had gone with my bag?!”

“No!”, I gasped and put my hands on my chest for effect. “Those LIARS!”

“It was so painful”, she finished. “To know that people are now willing to lie in the name of Jesus”.


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