Want a man? Get a dog…

Some months ago I rescued a beautiful coal black flea ridden dachshund that a human monster had tossed out into the street. I couldn’t bear to take her to an animal shelter to try her luck so I scoured Kampala to find someone to adopt her.

Because dreams do come true, she was taken by a Ugandan fellow whose own dachshund had passed away. I eventually learned that she was pregnant and her new owner deposited one of the pups at my mother’s door, who passed him along to me. And so I became a dog owner.

While walking Tupac these past few months, I have observed – yes, I know Tupac is an awfully dope name but let’s carry on!

While walking Tupac, I have observed that I get a lot of attention. I meet all kinds of wonderful beings who stop me to ask after my honestly-too-friendly Tupac who I have trained to ‘Sit!’ on command.

“So cute,”, they gush. “And so clean and friendly and happy!”

I soon noticed that with the men, depending on how I responded, there was an element of ‘interest’. I don’t know what that interest was but I liked it. They were awfully gentlemanly and pleasant and there was nothing the least vulgar or distasteful about their attention. I tell you, it does wonders for a woman’s soul to have men like you just because they think you’re a really nice person for treating your dog like your kin.

I begun to manipulate this attention. Before, I would wake up and take Tupac for his morning walk in my pajamas – yes, I would walk in my pajama bottoms, dang it. Now I rise earlier, take a shower, comb the hair banange, trot out looking to die for and proceed to drown in friendly talk with early commuters heading for work.

Nowadays I have expanded my attention seeking repertoire to finding a smooth stone to sit on and reading my Kindle while Tupac sits obediently at my side. A woman reading her Kindle while her dog sits obediently by her side is a guaranteed recipe for curiosity. You’ll have kids, old people and women stopping to chat but you know what else you’ll have?

Eligible bachelors.