A child on the side, madam?

I was having tea with an acquaintance I had recently made, and were in what turned out to be the final stage of finding if we had all the necessary qualities in common.

“So, do you have a baby?” she asked me.

“No”, I responded picking up a samosa.

“When are you thinking of having one?”

“Haven’t really thought about it”, I said eyeing my frightfully small samosa despondently.

“EXCUSE ME?!” she cried. Startled, I dropped my samosa.

“What is it?” I enquired.

“How can you say you’re not thinking of having a baby?”

“Well, I like, haven’t really thought about it”

“How can you say you haven’t thought about it?” I trembled as her voice rose. We were in a public place. The potential for embarrassment was unlimited.

“What is your plan to prove to the world that you are productive?”

“What is my-” was all I could manage.

 “Eh?!” She challenged.

“I don’t really understand what the problem is here”.  I treaded delicately.

“Do you think your parents gave birth to you just so you could spend all your money on yourself?”

“Haha. Bitch, I’m broke. I can’t afford to have a baby!”

“How can you say you can’t afford to have a baby?”

“The price of Pampers tells me I can’t afford to have a baby”.

“You’re so selfish” she announced.

“How now?”

“Whatever little money you make, you should be sharing with your baby”.

Whose baby now?”

“The one you should be planning on having”.

“Haha” I repeated.

“You’re just laughing because you’re still young” she sneered.

“Wow!” I grinned. “Thanks! Not many people would tell a thirty year old woman that she still has time”.

Her chair rocked on its foundations.

“You’re THIRTY YEARS OLD?” She gasped.

“Yes” I set my chin defiantly. “I am, in fact, thirty years old”.

“I’m twenty four and I already have a baby. I’ve proven that I am productive”. Her eyes glowed with pride. “When are you going to get your act together?”

I yawned.

“Well, at least tell me you intend to get married”

Oh, bother.

old maid

Somebody marry a sistah’

8 thoughts on “A child on the side, madam?”

  1. haha..just because parents gave birth to you doesn’t mean. you have to pay in the samw currency…one shd accommodate another humab being when tbey are absolutely ready#for being 30 a woman on agataliko had a baby at sixty,correction twins at that! bakuleke

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  2. Well, everyone owes their parents a baby! Unless unfortunately when it is biologically impossible, we have a social responsibility to reproduce. I believe every parent [deserves] that joy and happiness of seeing her grand children.

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    1. You can owe an apology. You can owe money. You can owe respect. But babies? Its not the job of the outside world to issue that decree. Only the parties HAVING the baby have that say. So no, parents can want grandchildren but they do not DESERVE them.

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  3. It feels like a cult where everyone is desperate for you to join them in the enlightenment. At every social event these conversations come up because all our friends are having babies, and I think that my parents just feel like they are running out of time.

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