The thing about cooking for yourself for extended periods of time is that the day comes when you’re really hungry, and you dash into a fast food restaurant and you open the menu and gasp in astonishment at the prices.
12k for chips and liver? 6k for plain chips? Fast food in Uganda is for the rich!
‘What’s in this food?’ you wonder. ‘Wealth and happiness?’
When I look at the portions, and compare it with my personal shopping, it’s laughable how much we spend in fast food restaurants. I mean, I have a friend who once put a burger together with 4,500 shillings.
So I haven’t had fast food in years. When I eat out, I go to a proper fancy restaurant. The food may be slightly pricier but it’s always worth it. Healthy, filling, and leaving you in no doubt that your money has been well spent. Some bloody effort was put into it, you know?
But this day, I was starving. I had no choice but to enter that fast food establishment. The chips were 5k and the liver 7k. I swallowed and ordered. The waitress told me liver was finished. Would I be okay with beef? It was still 7k. I conferred with my stomach. Would it mind substituting liver for beef?
“I’m hungry, you twit!’ it said. “I don’t care!”
I ordered beef. When it came, I held my hand to my chest to keep the heart attack at bay. There were exactly five pieces of beef. Small pieces. And for each of these pieces, half resembled some sort of bone.
“Now hold on”, I called the waitress back. “This beef is SEVEN THOUSAND SHILLINGS?”
“What’s the problem, madam?” she said. “You want more?”
“Erm, yeah” I answered. “Fill the plate up, for the love of Jesus. Don’t scrimp on the soup either.”
To their credit, my plate was returned looking presentable. I thanked her, and paid, tipping her generously for her kindness.
Ten minutes later, I realized the food was too much for me to finish.
Me and my big mouth.