I’ve discovered the secret to living in the moment!

It was a friend’s birthday and a waiter at the bar handed me a shot glass. I couldn’t decipher the identity of the liquid inside. I stared at him questioningly.

“That fellow’s bought it for you”, he gestured towards my left. I knew the fellow. I tottered over.

“Warrup?” I inquired. I was slightly zozzled, you understand. “Whashallthish?”

“It’s happiness in a glass”, he answered, with a twinkle in his eye.

I think it was from that moment that I begun to dissect the secret to learning to truly live in the moment. To not hang on to the present. To not fret about the future. To be fully centered in the here and now, on the happiness in our respective glasses.

Worry not. I shall share my wisdom with you

If you want to learn how to live in the moment, all you have to do is go and get yourself a hangover.

Let’s assume your night ended at 5 am. How does the next day progress? Here’s how, when you have a hangover, you are truly living in the moment.

12.00 pm

You wake up. Bleurgh.  You feel like a conglomerate of dustbins. You’re not even sure you’re alive. Your body is a vessel holding together molecules that want to burst out of your body to a time when the most poisonous substance they contained was Fanta. You black out as soon as your eyes register their first ray of sunshine.

1.00 pm

There are vapors coming out of your mouth. A collection of all the happinesses in glasses you imbibed the night before. Or was it only two hours ago? You’re not sure. You open your eyes and register sunshine once again. You whimper. You cover yourself with the covers and close your eyes, willing to go back to sleep. You feel feverish. You count the seconds until you can sleep again.

1.27 pm

Finally, you sleep again.

3.00 pm

Even though your very bones order you to not to move on pain of death, your stomach tells you food must be consumed. You don’t want to eat. You really really don’t want to eat. Your stomach is twisting and rolling and turning, and you feel a tear squeezing out of your eye as you ponder your predicament. On your back, you drag yourself gingerly towards the edge of the bed, and roll onto your front. You let the tip of your toe peep over the edge of the mattress as you contemplate how to get out of the bed and on your feet.

3.15 pm

You’ve done it! You’re finally out. You bend over the bed, with your head lying on the mattress. A little rest to reward yourself.

3.17 pm

You’ve crawled back into the bed.

3.56 pm

YOU. MUST. EAT. No more messing about. You scamper out, and stand up straight determinedly. Your head swims. You don’t want to die like this. You need to rehydrate! You stumble to the kitchen and gulp down a glass of water.

4.05 pm

You’re eating anything within reach.

4.10 pm

You don’t feel nice. You don’t feel nice at all. You wander about, waiting for any good feeling to come back.

Please come back, good feeling

4.15

You realize it’s not coming back.

You crawl back to bed, resigned...
You crawl back to bed, resigned…

5.15 pm

You wake up. You feel much better. Your head is getting clearer, and your stomach feels more settled. Enjoy this feeling. It won’t last long.

5.40 pm

The headache comes a ‘knockin’. At this point, the presence of painkillers in your home will mean the difference between life and death. Most adults have painkillers for this sort of emergency.

6.00 pm

It’s now time to vomit.

6.30 pm

Your stomach emptied of all necessary poisons, you try another glass of water. You gasp at the joy of not feeling your stomach revolt. Your body soaks it up greedily. You have another glass of water.

6.45 pm

You dance towards the bed, feeling light as a feather. You deserve this rest!

7.20 pm

You wake up, as happy as happy can be. Ready to start your day!

Conclusion

Livin’ in the moment like a baby.

 

1 thought on “I’ve discovered the secret to living in the moment!”

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