The perfect time to fart…

I’d been wanting to fart all day. I mean it.

As soon as I’d finished having a shower, I started wanting to fart. But someone needed the bathroom, and there was no time.

Most farts are polite and usually retreat when you refuse to let them rip. This one refused to go anywhere. Every ten minutes, it was there, knocking on the door.

I was not alone for breakfast so the crowded table forced me to rein it in. While my fart sought a means of escape, I planted myself firmly in my chair, closed the gates and endured my meal of eggs and bread.

not now not now not now!
not now not now not now!

Ordinarily I may have relieved my anxieties on the lonely walk down to the road to grab a taxi. But alas! Today was not the day. I was offered a ride straight to my workplace-an opportunity too good to let pass. My work place is in such a bitch of a place that even a fart wouldn’t stop me accepting a free ride.

My agonies on the way to work cannot be told for fear of a tear leaving my eye. Suffice to say I was able to not permeate the vehicle of my good Samaritans with the perfume of aromas suppressed. As soon as I reached the office, I run to draw the curtains and open the windows. It was time!

I was halted by a phone call I received from a meeting I’d thought I’d have later. Apparently, the person was on their way now. I sat down and pondered my difficult situation.

Should I risk it? It would be terrible if anyone found traces of a fart lingering about. I was supposed to be professional. They’d probably be here in twenty minutes. Did I have the time?

My fart told me that I was wasting precious minutes! It was now or never. I took a deep breath, and let it go.

Ooh yeah. There we go...
Ooh yeah. There we go…

Oh, but it was a long, loud, smelly one. A really smacker.  The office reeked of the stuff. I remembered something important-I’d forgotten to draw the curtains and open the window! As I was getting up to perform this important operation, the door opened.

My 9 a.m meeting had arrived.

caught farting

 

That was emabarassing.

2 thoughts on “The perfect time to fart…”

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