Yes, Lindsey. They really want to kill you.

I don’t know what hormones were raging in my body for me to wake up in the wee hours of the night a few days ago, listen to the pouring rain, and then decide, quite randomly, that my life was in danger.

I felt that there was something sinister about this rain. Anxiety begun to weave it’s silken threads around my body, until my heart was palpitating. I jumped out of bed, and run to switch on the light. There was no electricity.

I was now convinced that something was amiss. I grabbed my Ka Torch, and checked under the bed, and behind the curtains. In doing so, I caught a glimpse of the dark stormy night and imagined misty figures coming towards me, passing through the glass. Panicked, I dived into my bed.

I begun to hear a loud roaring sound. It got louder and closer, and all of a sudden, this light begun to fill my room. I recognized the sound as that of a fighter jet’s approaching engines.

I knew there and then that the government had me on a hit list, and had sent a pilot to blast me to smithereens.


But why? I wanted to cry. What had I done? Then I remembered my posts on the rights of the gay community, and Wilber, a friend, telling me, “You girl, they are coming for you”.

“Shit”, I thought, “These guys are serious like this? It’s just Facebook!” I took deep breaths to hold back the sobs that I knew were going to take over me soon.

Because I could survive. I could like, go outside in the rain, and run out the gate, and wait for the bomb to fall. I hurriedly tip toed back to the window, to ascertain how much rain there was. The sound of the jet got louder and closer and a for a full minute, I was running around the room, like a headless chicken.

I didn’t want to go out. It was raining badly! And what would I tell my family? I can’t very well wake them up and explain detail by detail what I had done to annoy the government. If I had hair, I would have torn it out. A full scale panic attack was taking over me.

Then I noticed an odd thing. The sound of the jet’s engines hadn’t come closer, but they weren’t diminishing either. Starting to feel like a bit like an ass, I strode to the glass and pulled the curtain back.

It was the rain. Getting heavier. The water and wind were beautiful in their terrific majesty, but they were most definitely not the engines of a jet. As for the light…it was the security lights coming on after electricity had returned.

I know, okay? I’m a jackass

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