So you think you can drink?

A few days ago, I came across a documentary posted by an audacious foreigner-it was about the drinking habits of Ugandans from morning till night. One of the derisive comments under the videos went ‘the only thing that wasn’t drunk in this video was the dog-and the woman selling the alcohol!”

Of course Ugandans became annoyed. Mbu how dare we be portrayed in this fashion etcetera etcetera? Well, let me about my morning and stop you right there. Make you feel like posting documentary videos of your own.

I stopped at a local shop to buy airtime, and found a group of drunk men competing about who was the best drinker. One was shouting:

“You think you can drink, eh? Ho! Let me show you! Gwe, you guy! Get me two sachets of Empire!”

The shop owner obliged, and the man continued, “Also, that one. The other one in the corner”. I tried in vain to read what it was called but failed. Triumphantly, the purchaser proceeded to drink his gin in superhuman fashion.

“Eli Weekendi!”, he yelled as he started on the second one. When he was opening the third one however, the friend he was competing with proceeded to rain on his parade.

“You think you can drink because you are emptying those sachets?”, he queried. His friend scoffed at him. Of course! Could he do better?

“By the way, that is not alcohol you’re drinking”, he continued. “They even wrote about it in newspapers. Ekikulu you’re stupid. You don’t follow news. It’s poison that makes people blind and then kills them!”

He stood up as his friend staggered about, holding the last sachet dubiously now.

“Can you finish twelve bottles of beer? Eh? Me, I can drink beer from morning till night. That’s a real drink. Your weak body can’t handle beer!”

The men were now standing nose to nose, but I was obliged to leave as I had an appointment.

Yes, we have an alcohol problem. Because it was around 11.30 and I imagined what I’d do if I got a phone call from someone suggesting we go to Emin Pasha and enjoy a cold crisp beer or two.

Fuck yeah, I’d want in on that action.

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