No, not me, you twits. But if that’s the sole reason you clicked on this link, I am accordingly grateful.
So this morming, I was looking for every reason in the world to delay getting out of bed. My eye fell on an old newspaper on the floor with a story titled ‘I fasted for a husband’.
“This should be interesting”, I thought. So I snatched it up and burrowed into bed and became engrossed in the story of a girl who wanted a husband more than anything in the world.
I think it’s because she was orphaned at a young age, and lived with people who were not her real parents from time to time. Also, she did not finish school (newspapers always do that, mention that one did not finish school-as if that always accounts for one’s unmarried lot in life).
Anyway, she does that old trick. Gets a piece of paper and lists down all the traits of the husband she wants God to send her. He must be white, with a straight nose, tall, handsome…
A straight nose? I had to pause. This girl had obviously finished at least high school. Mills and Boon is the only place one would come up with all the daftly dreamy traits that she seemed to want.
And so she started to earnestly fast. She faaaaassttteeeed, nga she fasted.
Whaddya know? Miracles abounded. This half-Italian guy (well, almost white at least) loves the way she dances in church (and he’s a christian too. My my). Our Cinderella is a friend to his sister and one day is too unwell to leave her house, so she ‘wants’ to stay the night. Unfortunately, her friend is not home and she’s alone with the brother.
She’s a shy girl apparently. So she writes him a note asking if she can stay the night. This Italian guy knows the business. He doesn’t ask her why she can’t just speak. He writes her a note back saying yes, she can stay the night. Then he writes her another note asking why she has so much sadness in her face, and he would do anything to take away her pain and carry her burdens on his shoulders.
Brother, please. You’re taking this whole Jesus thing too far.
Anyway, the newspaper story went that they were ‘saved’ by electricity that went off and they had to go to sleep. Ha! Sleep indeed. But she insists they waited until marriage, so we’ll believe that.
So she finally got her knight in shining armour who ‘is not very well off but God will provide’. I put down the newspaper, got out of bed and was silent for about three seconds.
Then I had enjoyed the longest best laugh I have had in over a week. It was a snicker, then it became a giggle then I was literally falling back on the bed and rolling in laughter. If I could meet this girl, I’d ask her only one question.
My dear child, why didn’t you just take a shortcut and fast for wealth?